How Not to Pay Bribes: A Master Class in Making Things Look Obviously Suspicious

The art of failing at looking innocent, why you shouldn't write your own consultant's reports, and how to turn $950 million into a very expensive lesson in what not to do

The thing about paying bribes is that you're supposed to at least pretend you're not paying bribes. It's like wearing a fake mustache to rob a bank – the disguise doesn't have to be perfect, but you should probably try to keep it from falling off mid-heist.

Picture this: You're a massive defense contractor trying to win contracts in Qatar. You have two options:

1. The Textbook Approach

   • Hire legitimate consultants

   • Get actual advice

   • Follow proper procurement procedures

   • Be boring but legal

2. The RTX Special

   • Hire suspicious consultants

   • Write their reports yourself

   • Don't bother reading them

   • Pay $950 million in fines